Be fearless in the pursuit of what sets your soul on fire.
I should be packing.
I tend to shy away from using that word – should. It feels a little judgmental to me. Like what I am doing now is less important than what I “should” be doing. But honestly, I should be packing. Instead I am sitting on the floor in my mostly empty living room surrounded by my random belongings that need to be packed. Sometimes things happen in my life and an idea comes pouring out of me at the least convenient time. This is why my blog posts are sporadic. They are not forced or planned. They swirl around in my head for days, sometimes weeks until complete and coherent thoughts begin to form.
I am moving. Away from the town in which I have spent my entire life. It is an interesting process - moving away. People ask a lot of questions. Do you have a job? Where will you live? Will you teach? Will you teach yoga? Why are you moving? I can answer the why, but I do not have answers to the other questions... yet. I can see the fear in their eyes when they hear my lack of solid plans. I get it. It feels scary to not know.
Someone dear to me told me today that her impression of me is that I am fearless. What?! Me? I have fears. I have always had fears and I will continue to have them the rest of my life. But I made a promise to myself a few years ago to stop making decisions based in fear. The questions creep into my mind of what if I fail? Or what if something terrible happens? Or a thousand other ideas based in fear. When they start take over, I remind myself of that promise and make the choice that brings me closer to my true path.
When I decided to stop letting fear control my decisions, a beautiful thing happened. I was required to start trusting the universe and the people around me. I stopped planning every detail of my life and started allowing it to happen naturally. I stopped holding on to people and things so tightly. I allowed them to come and go without grasping too hard. I stopped telling myself (and others around me) what I “should” be doing, and instead asked myself, what do I want to do? What sets my soul on fire? Fear would say, this is selfish! You have to do things you don’t want to. Well of course you have to do things you don’t want to do, but you don’t have to give those things all your time and energy. And maybe you can find a little joy in doing those things - like washing dishes.
Moving to a new place without a solid plan is downright terrifying. There are a lot of moving parts and puzzle pieces that have to come together. I have faith that everything will work out. I know this because each time I begin to stress or push too hard on something that feels urgent, I am gently reminded that if I trust the process and have patience, things will come together. I have three animals that must find temporary homes while I am away to teach yoga for 3 weeks and while I find a place to live. It is a huge thing to ask someone to take in your pet for a long period of time. I found places for two of my animals, the calm docile ones. My young rescue cat was the only one without a place to go. I began to stress over who might take him in and love him and all his energy. Within a few days a person I had never met before was in my world and incredibly excited to care for my crazy cat. This is the universe working, conspiring to make my move happen.
I am not sitting here waiting for amazing things to happen to me. I still work for my dreams and remind myself daily of my goals. I make plans of how I might like to see my life in the near future. However, when trusting the universe to take care of something big, its best to leave the details unplanned. This requires faith and a release of control. You also have to accept that maybe that job you really wanted, or that great apartment that won't be available by the time you’re ready to move, were not meant for you. Trust that something even better than you can imagine is waiting for you, will you have the patience to wait for it?
Live where you fear to live.
Destroy your reputation.